Trigun hijinks
by SuperNova
Summary: A collection of stupid stories for fun. Hope you enjoy
1. Attack of the Donuts

Vash was in the kitchen, looking for the box of donuts Meryl hid. He had already checked all the cupboards and drawers.   
  
He finally give up, and opened the refrigerator for drink. Lo and behold, were the box of donuts.  
  
"OOoooOOoohooooOOOooo....what happy day! My donuts have returned to me!" Vash cried, hugging the box tightly and dancing around.   
  
"I'm so happy. I never thought I could reach bliss." Vash continued as he perpared to take a bite.  
  
"Hey! No eating!" A voice calls out.  
  
Vash looked around, but sees nobody. He blinks.  
  
"Who said that?"  
  
"Me, you idiot!" The voice said again.  
  
Vash peered down at the donut in his hand.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Yes me! The donut. No eating of me!"  
  
Vash sweatdropped.  
  
"How can you talk? You're not supposed to!" Vash commented.  
  
The donut popped out of his hand and bounced to the counter.  
  
"Nevermind that! Here's the deal! I'm sick of you people constantly eating my kind! It's time for me to take over the world!  
  
To save the butterfly by eating the spider!"  
  
Vash blinked, catching the donuts familer phase.   
  
'That donut sounds just like Knives!' Vash thought. 'I wonder...'  
  
Vash went to the living and glances in. Knives was sitting on the couch reading a newspaper.   
  
"Umm...Knives?"  
  
Knives looked up.  
  
"Yes, brother?"  
  
"You're not a donut, are you?"  
  
Knives stared at him blankly. Then rolled his eyes and went back to reading.  
  
"Baka brother..." Knives mumbled.  
  
Vash blinked again, then headed back to the kitchen, where there was now more then one donut on the counter. More like fifty.  
  
"Now is the time, my brothers!" The donut yelled out, even though it had no lips. It didn't have a face, period. "Attack!"  
  
All the donuts bounced toward Vash at once. Vash sweatdropped again, then ran out and though the halls of the house.  
  
"Help! The donuts! They want to eat mmeeeeeeeee!"   
  
Vash kept running untill he saw Meryl. He ran straight for her and hide behind her.  
  
"Meryl! Help me...the donuts....the evil donuts..." He cried while cowering behind her.  
  
Meryl stared, then grew angry.  
  
"Vash! Did you eat the donuts I was saving? You jerk!"  
  
Vash waved his hands frantically.  
  
"No! It's not like that! They came to life and started attacking me! They want to rule the world!"  
  
Meryl snorted and huffed to the kitchen with Vash in tow. She entered, and saw only an empty box on the counter, with crumbs  
  
surrounding it.  
  
"So....they came to life, huh? Then explain the crumbs! That's it! No dessert for you tonight!"  
  
Vash went teary-eyed and started to whine.  
  
"But it's the truth! They're butterfly donuts! Why doesn't anyone beleive meeeeeee?" 


	2. Getting a job

Knives sighed as he entered the place that would be his place of employment for who knows how long. Retail'r'us. 

He grumbled. This was all Vash's fault.

He turned to the nearest employee.

"Ok. I'm here. What do I do?"

The employlee blinked at him.

"Um...what did you come in here to do?"

Knives growled, growing impatient.

"I'm here to work! Why else would I be here?"

The employee nodded in understanding.

"Ah. I see now. Ok, you'll be working in the photo department, devoloping peoples film. Grab that vest and get to work.

By the way, I'm Susan."

Knives stared at her.

"Shouldn't I have training first?"

Susan waves him off.

"You won't need it. Hurry up! You already have a line!"

Knives shakes his head and walks behind the photo counter, talking to the first customer.

"What do you want?"

Customer gasps, not beleiving what he heard.

"How dare you talk to me like that! I am a customer I will not stand for your rudeness! I'm reporting you to a manager!"

Knives rolls his eyes as the customer storms off, continueing with the next.

"Um...how may I help you?"

The customer hands him a disposeble camera.

"I want this devoloped. In an hour."

Customer leaves without further word. Knives raises and eyebrow, wondering what to do next.

After a few minutes of debating, he simply stuck it in one of the machines where it would fit. That cuased the machine

to beep at him repeatedly until it died.

Knives looks around to see if anyone else noticed, then walked away quickly.

Knives wanders back to Susan.

"Susan. Something's wrong with the machine. Let me take your position."

Susan shrugs and lets him have it.

Knives doesn't even talk to his first customer, taking his money and bagging the items.

"Hey, what about my change?" The customer asked.

Knives grunts.

"You don't get any. Now leave."

Customer snorts and yells as he leaves.

"I'm going to send a complaint about you!"

Knives ignores him and continues. After thirty minutes he abandons the post completly to get away from the complaining customers.

Susan walks up to him.

"Knives! What are you doing? Theres a line at the registers and some people are even leaving without paying!"

Knives raises an eyebrow.

"Good for them."

Susan shakes her head.

"I can't deal with this. You're fired."

Knives laughs and races out the door.

"thank you!"

Later, Knives arrives at the apartment he shared with his brother. Vash comes running out.

"Knives! Did you get fired again? You weren't even working an hour! I had to sell your gun to pay the rent!"

Knives glared at Vash.

"You did what? Why do we need to pay the rent anyway? I killed the landlord last week!"

Vash screams.

"You killed him? How could you? And why didn't I notice?"

Knives shrugs.

"How should I know? All I know is that you'll be getting my gun back or I'll take away your donuts."

Vash cries.

"So cruel..."


	3. Out Golfing

Vash crept across his brothers room, careful not to wake him until he was standing over the bed. 

"Knives...wake up..." Vash whispered as he poked his brother's forehead.

Knives snapped open his eyes instantly, giving Vash a glare that suggested he was about to kill his brother. Vash jumped back and shrieked.

"What do you want!" Knives questioned firmly.  
"Uh uh Golfing!"

Knives raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

Vash calmed himself, and grinned. "Well, since you're so angry all the time, I thought we'd do something to calm you down. And there's nothing more calming then golf!"

Knives gaped at Vash. "You...cannot be serious."

Vash nods, then gives Knives a sad pathetic look. "Pleeeeaaseee Knives? It'd mean so much to me..." He sniffles.

Knives groaned, and got out of bed. "Fine fine...idiot brother."

Knives looked around, then at Vash. "As I understood, golf corses had grass."

Vas rolled his eyes. "Hello? This is a desert. Nothing has grass. But that won't spoil the fun!"

Vash grabbed his club and skipped to the first hole. Knives followed a little less cheerfully.

After the sixth hole, Vash was doing well, while Knives was averging a 35 par.

"I'm going to get a snack. You want something?"

Knives only growled, still to hit the small ball into the hole.

Vash shrugged, and skipped off.

Knives continued to try, untill he finally acheived his goal 16 shots later. He looked up to see another golfer staring at him.

"Haha, you're so bad. Maybe you should stick to caddying!"

Knives clenched his teeth, gripping the club hard. After a minute of continuing laughter, he screamed and swung at the annoying man.

Vash skips back to where he left Knives, munching on donuts. He freezes, seeing Knives sitting on a pile of bruised and bleeding people. He screams. "Knives! What did you do!"

"They mocked me."

"But golf is supposed to be relxing and calming! There shouldn't be blood!"

Knives snickered. "Well, I'm plenty calm now. Thanks for the enjoyable afternoon. Lets go."

Vash simply whimpers as Knives drags him away by the collar.

A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed. I'm glad you found this funny. And thanks to doomsdaybringer for pointing out a spelling error. Fixed now.


End file.
